Fitzy, I am beginning to get bored.

Dearest Fitzy "The Bear" Fitzgerald,

I'm beginning to get bored in New York, king of all cities. As you know, my stay at the Marriott, that Averno of Manhattan, has been even poorer than I am. Sometimes I pass the time by wondering. "Brighty," I wonder, "What is that man doing right now, the man who has all of your money from that confounded wager you made on the Utah Jazz?" But I have no answer. He is probably, like my father, using his money for depraved and irresponsible things.

If I were him, I know I would be in Sheffield right now, where I belong, with you, Teddy, Bethany, the horses, and Grandma Teddy. But then, if I were him, then I (that is, the original me) would also still be stuck in New York, unlike "new" me, and "you" yourself would have to feed and lodge a man who appears to be a moustachioed stranger but is, in reality, myself. Befuddlement!

And so, in my many bored hours, I have found myself exploring the lesser-known haunts of this Yankee York. Why, just today, I traveled to the shores of New York River, and found--what else!--a vagrant and her youth, placing bags of trash along the banks for the trapping of crayfish. Here is a picture in which I point at them.
Yes, Fitzy, it is truly a depraved city. You might not tell from the photograph, but the child in the far background is actually one of the "standing dead." Corpses, Fitzy! A city rife with corpses! It is the eerie magnetism of the tall buildings which keeps them vertical. And the youth closest to the camera, as you also cannot see, is covered in the filthiest tattoos imaginable. Snakes, fire, scorpions, dice, women with breast implants, motorcycles. Name anything depraved, and I can assure you that it has been etched with illegal inks onto his neck and face.

I have more to tell you, my dearest Fitzy, and more photographs to show, but it will have to wait until a later time. After all, I am growing weary of using the computers at the New York Publick Library, which smell too much like hands and books for my liking.

With Love,

Philip Brightmore, Champion Dog Breeder