By now, I am beginning to get used to life in New York City, Pope of the cities. Do you understand my joke? Because the Pope is the touchstone of all Catholics, and New York is the touchstone of atheists and irreligious but outspoken Judaists!
I have discovered comedy! Yes, Fitzy, it is true. Over the last several days, I have learned that this city will drive me quite insane unless I make jokes about it constantly, no matter my company at the time. This includes newspapermen, vandals, models, actors, musicians, and football players--no one can escape the wicked satirical tongue of Brighty! It is what Juvenal or Horace might call "unconstrained, irresponsible satire." This trick has been very profitable, psychologically, as I have been able to cope quite well with the fact that I am homeless and bankrupted. Let me show you how it (i.e., comedy) works by writing about the Subway, New York's underground transportative system. Here is a picture of a woman who thinks it is cold underground.
The joke, of course, is that it is warmer underground than it is above ground, because you are closer to the Earth's unstoppable magma core. What a delightful woman!
Ah, Fitzy, there is something truly wondrous about the Subway system of New York. They employ a dozen or so very slow, but robot-driven, trains to take homeless people and social undesirables to distant locales, where they will not be able to bother "real New Yorkers." Once in awhile, the robot-trains get lucky and run someone down. Here is a photograph of the unwanted in society.
As you can see, these unwanted peoples all enjoy reading the Washington Post and discussing red bags with each other. They sit in a very special pattern, which only they know and which no "real New Yorker" can understand without first reading about it in the Washington Post. Also, they are all serial killers and purse-snatchers. Especially the gentleman in the far left. I saw him purse-snatching yesterday.
The Subway is also a place you can go if you want to get out of the sun, which is twice as close to the Earth in New York as it is in Sheffield. No, I'm just making a joke! There goes my wicked satirical tongue again! Give Teddy my happiest birthday wishes, Fitzy, and let me know how much everyone misses me.
Love,Philip Brightmore, Champion Dog Breeder
No comments:
Post a Comment